Caught in a No Romance

Here I blog on the eve of the most romantic night of the year alone with my netbook and Faygo cola wondering if I'll know the love of a good woman.


The U2 song "I still haven't found what I am looking for"http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X7QGCmIZl0 captures perfectly my emotional state at this moment. I search the room and still haven't found the woman whose face enthralls me;that causes my heart to flutter; the one who's mere presence is my greatest joy;the one whom I'd die to protect.


Is she out there? I don't know. Will I ever meet my Juliet? Will I ever be someones Romeo? At 32--soon to be 33--I am starting to seriously doubt that I will have the opportunity to immerse myself in the love of another.

But do not mistake this as a pathetic plea for rescue from loneliness. Loneliness is a state of mind. You are as lonely as you believe yourself to be. While I deal with bouts of loneliness, I do not consider myself "alone". I have great family and friends whom I cherish.I have other passions that redirect the unused affection.

I won't date just to date.I won't seek company from scantily attired, inebriated women at the local bar in order to fulfill carnal desires.It has to be right. I have to feel that my pursuit is genuine and not motivated by something other than a sincere interest in exploring the potential for an emotionally deep and satisfying relationship.

Anyone can have casual dating relationships. Not everyone can or is capable of long lasting relationships. This is a harsh reality that few want to acknowledge, much less admit that it could apply to them. It is characteristic of humans to engage in self deception. Some for example believe that peace is possible despite the long record of violence on a macro and micro level in human communities.

To admit to oneself that they might never love like Tristram loved Isolde would mean admitting to the POTENTIAL of failure. That is a difficult thing for people to do. They simply HAVE to believe that the "one" is out there. If not, than why go on living? What is life without love?

It is this fear that drives people to seek ways to avoid being alone. Some are temporary(prostitutes, hook ups), others are impersonal(online relationships), and then there is the carousel of relationships that most people have gone through. All this to avoid admitting "defeat".

But are they happy? Is it better to be with someone you don't love with all your heart than to be alone? My answer is this: nyet.I'd much prefer to live out my days a single man than to live them with a person I don't love to the core of my being.It is better to live life alone than to live it under false pretenses.

I may not have found what I am looking for, but I surely am going to continue my search for the sweetest thing with the understanding that it may not be in the cards for me. But with or without love, I will keep walking on.